


Worst. Pep. Talk. Ever

by VengeanceAngel



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Johnny should not be allowed to talk without having everything go by Miguel first, Other, tastic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:01:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29933796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VengeanceAngel/pseuds/VengeanceAngel
Summary: From a prompt about a new meaning of an old phrase.AKA things don't mean now what they did in the 80s.OR EVEN Johnny just uses the wrong term.Take your pick.
Relationships: Amanda LaRusso/Daniel LaRusso, Daniel LaRusso & Johnny Lawrence, Daniel LaRusso/Johnny Lawrence, Daniel LaRusso/so many people.... oh the shame, Demetri & Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz, Johnny Lawrence/way too many people to name, Miguel Diaz/Samantha LaRusso, Robby Keene/Samantha LaRusso
Comments: 33
Kudos: 65





	Worst. Pep. Talk. Ever

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt is from cobrakaikink meme, but it's at the end of the work so it doesn't give it away.

Daniel finishes up the kata with the others and waits quietly for Johnny to finish up the class. 

“Quiet!”

The group immediately comes to attention and waits to see what words of wisdom their sensei is going to impart now. 

“Before we end, I want to address something that needs to be talked about before it gets out of hand. It has come to my attention that some of you might be hooking up exclusively and I want it to stop.”

The eyes of the teens widen comically as they glance at each other. 

“When I was your age, I used to hook up all the time. There wasn’t a night I wasn’t hooking up with _someone_ different and nobody needed to know. But times are different now! You have all of your phones and ‘Supchats and your sofa media shit. And that’s fine usually, but if you tell everyone who you’re hooking up with, make sure you’re not hurting anyone in this dojo!”

Sam, Miguel, and Robby look down at their feet trying to figure out how much Sensei Lawrence knows about their past and why the hell he’s bringing it up _now_. 

Daniel’s brow furrows and he’s trying to figure out why this doesn’t sound quite right to him. He’s pretty sure Amanda would know, but he’s missing it somehow. 

“Look, I know when Hawk first joined Cobra Kai, he was hooking up with Demetri all the time.”

Demetri practically chokes and Hawk opens and closes his mouth like a fish before finally squawking out something that sounds like, “What?”

“Quiet!” Johnny looks over all of them again. “Then Hawk became a badass… and started hooking up with Aisha instead.”

Hawk looks around at the people staring at him and shakes his head helplessly. “No.. no, that never happened…”

“And I’m sure that had to have hurt some feelings.” He walks over and puts an arm around Hawk and another around Demetri. “But now that these guys are back to hooking up regularly, I think things are good.” He walks away from the boys who are desperately trying to figure out what’s going on and glaring at the kids who are snickering. “But those hurt feelings among those of us here can really screw us over when the competition is coming for us.”

Sam raises her hand. “Uh… sensei?”

“Not right now, Little LaRusso.” He takes a deep breath and addresses the class. “Look at me and Sensei LaRusso. I didn’t give him the time of day when we were younger. He kept hooking up with Ali, the girl _I_ loved, over and over again and I was left in the dust. It hurt.” 

The students suddenly glare at Daniel and he takes a step back as he feels their anger almost physically. 

“Now, I didn’t think about it at the time because I had so much going on in my life that stopped me from wanting to open up to other people with… feelings and stuff, but maybe things would have been different if he and I had hooked up at least once when we were younger. Don’t get me wrong. I really like hooking up with him now, but I’m sure it would have been a lot more exciting when we were in better shape and could get into some more trouble.” He winks at the group because he’s pretty sure he made a damn good joke about how society is lucky that Daniel and Johnny are too old to be dangerous anymore. 

Sam covers her mouth then as it all makes sense to her. She starts laughing and brings her knees together in the off chance she wets her pants. “Oh my God…. Hanging out….”

The other teens tilt their heads at Johnny and then look at her, still not getting it. Mitch looks over at Daniel and shrugs. “I mean…. Yeah, you guys are… I could see it.”

Sam allows herself to just lie down on the ground now and give up. She’s pretty sure pissing her pants would be acceptable at this point and nobody would question her choice to do so if they understood what she now understands. 

Johnny frowns at her and then looks over at Daniel, who shrugs in confusion. 

“Um… Okay, so… like I said, it’s fine to hook up. Just make sure you’re being fair. No hurt feelings!” He walks over to Demetri. “I mean… look, I get that Hawk wanted to hook up with Aisha for awhile, but now that things have changed, he can hook up with Demetri and… if something happens again…” He ruffles Demetri’s hair. “Just remember, if I was younger, I’d hook up with you anytime, okay?”

Demetri turns beet red, but can’t help but give him the once over. “I mean… “ He stops as Hawk elbows him. “Dude, what?” He looks down again. 

“Alright…” He goes over to Daniel and smiles at the class. “Now, you don’t need to be hooking up with the two of us because we’re going to be _way_ too busy hooking up with each other, not that we couldn’t keep up with you if we wanted to. But remember this and you’ll be fine. In this dojo, if you hook up with one person, you’d better hook up with them _all_!” He nods and smiles happily, pleased with his pep talk and still not quite sure what’s happening with Sam. “Daniel… go calm your daughter down….”

He looks a little confused as everyone is looking at him with their mouths hanging open. A few of the students are looking way too excited about this lesson and he’s not sure what he expected, but it wasn’t this. And it certainly wasn’t the look that Daniel gives him as he hauls his daughter up to find out what’s going on only for her to say something choked off by laughter in his ear and have him drop her to the ground again. 

“Shit! I’m sorry, Sam!” He reaches down for her, but she waves him off. 

“No… No, please…. Just… just go hook up with Sensei Lawrence! I’ll be _fine!_ ” She rolls over to her elbows and knees to try to get a breath in. 

Daniel turns red and motions to Miguel and Robby. “Please… just uh… just take her home…”

Johnny motions over to Miguel as the kids start to disperse. “Hey! You know I just realized that Miguel and I used to hook up!”

“No, we didn’t!”

Johnny nods. “Yeah, and now he hooks up with a lot of people so see? Anyone can branch out. Right, Miguel?”

Miguel shakes his head. “Nope. No, just…. No….” He helps get Sam up and glances at Robby. “I swear to God I didn’t….”

Robby has already caught on and shakes his head in disappointment. “With my _dad,_ dude? How could you?”

Sam starts coughing. “I’m gonna puke! This is the best! I have to tell mom!”

Daniel turns around and points his finger at her. “Don’t you dare!” He sighs as she is taken away and sits down on the edge of the deck and drops his head into his hands. “Oh my God…. So many parent phone calls….”

Johnny comes over and sits down next to him as he watches more kids leave. He calls out to them. “Don’t forget! It’s the weekend, so go hook up and think of me and Sensei LaRusso doing the same!”

Daniel groans. “So… many… phone calls….”

**Author's Note:**

> From the prompt: "Okay so I'M OLD and back when I was a teenager "hooking up" just meant to meet someone somewhere. "Let's hook up after school" meant "let's go hang out after school". THESE DARN KIDS TODAY have turned "hooking up" into something else, and I can %1000 see Johnny not knowing that. I can just imagine him saying "Hey Daniel, I'm free this weekend, wanna hook up?" and his students freaking out in hilarious ways. "What are you kids looking at me like that for? We hook up all the time when you're not around."
> 
> Can be actual Lawrusso or them just being friends but the dojo kids think something else."


End file.
